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ucmok_peku

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Еженедельные путешествия в мир, который говорит по-английски Humor on the Run (#11)


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Еженедельные путешествия в мир,
который говорит по-английски 		группа независимых переводчиков
Слово - Dело: www.slovo-delo.ru

Humor on the Run (#11)

Добрый день, уважаемые подписчики. Специально для тех, кто недавно подписался на нашу рассылку сообщаю, что в четверг-пятницу мы делаем выпуск, посвящённый исключительно юмору (анекдоты, шутки и т.д.) на английском языке. Не спешите отписываться! По понедельникам выходит настоящий выпуск, посвящённый каким-нибудь проблемам, трудностям и интересностям английского языка. Так что даже если трудно понимать юмор (всё-таки надеюсь, что вы разберётесь), ждите понедельника. А в середине недели мы отдыхаем, наслаждаясь английским юмором или шуткам на английском языке. Сегодня вашему вниманию предлагаю окончание так называемых family jokes!..

* * *

Dad: "You're always asking questions. I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy." Son: "Maybe you'd have been able to answer some of mine today."

* * *

You know you're living in a small town.....

* when you don't use turn signals because everybody knows where you're going.

* neighbors' kids play in your yard more than your own kids do.

* if you're born on June 13 and your family receives gifts from the local merchants because you're the first baby of the year.

* there is no local news section in the newspaper.

* if you speak to each dog you pass, by name ..... and he wags his tail at you

* if you dial the wrong number, and talk for 15 minutes anyway.

* you can't walk for exercise because everyone offers you a ride.

* when the biggest business in town sells farm machinery.

* if you write a check on the wrong bank and it covers you anyway.

* if you missed church on Sunday and the preacher sends you a get-well card!

* * *

HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE A ROTTEN DAY

* You see a "60 Minutes" news team waiting in your office.

* You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.

* Your twin sister forgot your birthday.

* Your car horn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway.

* Your boss tells you not to bother to take off your coat.

* You wake up and your braces are locked together.

* Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife.

* Your income tax check bounces.

* You put both contact lenses in the same eye.

* Your wife says "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.

* * *

One day a space shuttle crashed to the ground in the yard of a Kindergarten. When he finally struggled out of the wreckage, the astronaut shouted, "I'm free! I'm free!!!" At this point, one of the little children standing there shouted back, "Big deal, I'm four!"

* * *

Kids, do indeed, say the darndest things. Our family was on a cross country road trip and our 3 year-old son was merrily singing some song. After a while he asked, "Mommy, sing with me?" My wife answered no, she didn't want to. Well, the 3 year-old kept pestering her to sing until finally she said "Ask your father!" "Dad", said the tyke. "Will you tell Mom to sing with me?"

* * *

A young college student wrote home to his family. "Dear mom and dad, I haven't heard from you in nearly a month. Please send check so I'll know you're all right."

* * *

Wilber sits in front of Family Court Judge Frieder and the judge asks "Do you want to live with your mother?" Wilber responds, "No ... she beats me." "Do you want to live with your father." The judge questions "No ... he beats me too." Wilber states. Judge Frieder asks, "How about living with you grandparents?" Wilber declares, "No ... I want to be a Cougar, they don't *beat* anybody!!!!"

* * *

I definitely think we're in trouble. I just saw an ad for a new movie sequel called... "The Never-Ending Story 2"

* * *

A radical feminist is getting on a bus when, just in front of her, a man gets up from his seat. She thinks to herself, "Here's another man trying to keep up the customs of a patriarchal society by offering a poor, defenseless woman his seat", and she pushes him back onto the seat. A few minutes later, the man tries to get up again. She is insulted again and refuses to let him up. Finally, the man says, "Look, lady, you've got to let me get up. I'm two miles past my stop already."

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