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Автор
ucmok_peku

Статистика

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Еженедельные путешествия в мир, который говорит по-английски Humor on the Run (#10)


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Humor on the Run (#10)

Добрый день, уважаемые подписчики. Специально для тех, кто недавно подписался на нашу рассылку сообщаю, что в четверг-пятницу мы делаем выпуск, посвящённый исключительно юмору (анекдоты, шутки и т.д.) на английском языке. Не спешите отписываться! По понедельникам выходит настоящий выпуск, посвящённый каким-нибудь проблемам, трудностям и интересностям английского языка. Так что даже если трудно понимать юмор (всё-таки надеюсь, что вы разберётесь), ждите понедельника. А в середине недели мы отдыхаем, наслаждаясь английским юмором или шуткам на английском языке. Сегодня вашему вниманию предлагаю продолжение так называемых family jokes! Эта серия анекдотов посвящена тёщам. Предлагаю взглянуть на проблему <тёщи> глазами американцев...

* * *

Betty's mother was visiting her daughter and son-in-law Bill. Bill came home from work and found six vacuum cleaner salesmen outside his house. He dashed in and said, "Mom, there are six men outside who all claim they have an appointment for a vacuum cleaner demonstration!" "That's right," the mother-in-law replied. "Now you just show them all to different rooms and let them start demonstrating."

* * *

Some comedy about mother-in-laws...NOT NECESSARILY THE TRUTH:

* Betty just got back from a pleasure trip, she took her mother-in-law to the airport.

* Why do mother-in-laws sit in the back seat of the car? To give the rear tires more traction.

* One day a wife complained, "This wall clock almost killed my mother today. If fell only seconds after she got up from the couch." The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

* A mother-in-law dies only when another devil is needed in hell.

* Mother-in-law: I baked two kinds of cookies today. Would you like to take your pick? Son-in-law: No thanks. I'll just use the hammer.

* The ultimate in mixed emotions - watching your mother-in-law drive over a cliff in your brand new Mercedes.

* * *

"It's just not true, Larry," his mother-in-law said, shaking her head, "it's simply not so. I have never, never made a fool out of you. I have always given you every opportunity to develop your own natural talent in that regard."

* * *

What is the difference between a vulture and your mother-in-law? Vultures wait until you're dead to pick on you.

* * *

Happiness is defined as opening your refrigerator to find your mother-in-law's picture on the milk carton.

* * *

Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mother-in-law's.

* * *

A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there. A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died." "Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends." "Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."

* * *

My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting. She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.

* * *

First Cannibal: "I really don't like my mother-in-law." Second Cannibal: "Then just eat the noodles."

* * *

A man went to a bookstore and asked to see a book titled, "How to Control Your Mother-in-Law." "Our fiction department is in the rear, right side of the aisle," the salesman said with a smile.

* * *

"Is my laryngitis contagious, Doc?" "Under the right circumstances it could be." "Do you recommend I do anything about that?" "How about giving your mother-in-law a big kiss?"

* * *

Larry and Dorothy were having their usual loud and endless argument about family reunions. At last, Fred relented. "I'm awfully sorry, Sweetheart. I didn't mean all those hateful things I said about your family. As a matter of fact, I like your mother-in-law a whole lot better than I do mine."

* * *

I bought my mother-in-law a new chair for Christmas. She unwrapped it and sat in it. Then I said "Plug it in, plug it in!"

* * *

With all these mother-in-law jokes, just where are the father-in-law jokes? Nobody seems to know, but the lack of father-in-law jokes seems to indicate just where the real, actual power rests in resolving family problems.

* * *

Little four-year-old Jenny was looking at her new baby brother for the first time. He was fast asleep. After staring at her tiny, motionless baby brother for a few minutes, Jenny looked up at her mother and asked plaintively, "Didn't he come with batteries?"

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