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Автор
Рабинович

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Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  19                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Шалом!

   Вы когда-нибудь замечали, как прекрасна цветущая акация в лучах утреннего солнца? Лично я уже начал, а это значит, что мои фоторецепторы постепенно переключаются с селективного восприятия научной информации на более приятные вещи :0). Как говорится лед тронулся, господа присяжные!
  Сегодняшний победитель - Дмитрий Богатырев. Встречайте:

   Два охотника получили пилот, чтобы запустить их на крайний север для поиска лось. Они были совсем успешными на своем предприятии, и упакованный в мешки шесть больших долларов. Пилот возвращался как размещено, чтобы выбрать их по. Они начали загружать свое устройство на плоскость, включая шесть лось. Но возраженный пилот. " Плоскость может оформить только четыре из вашего лось; Вы должны оставить два за," он установился. Они доказались с ним; год перед ними стрелял шесть и пилот позволил им помещать все на борт, и плоскость была точно такой же моделью и возможностью как это. Сопротивляющийо пилот наконец разрешил он помещать все шесть на борт. Но когда они попытались снимать и оставлять долину где они были, небольшая плоскость могла не делать его, и они разрушились в глуши. Поднимаясь из крушения, один охотник сказал другому, "Вы знаете где мы?" "Я думаю так," ответил другой охотник. "Я думаю это почти то же место где плоскость разрушила прошлый год."

   Приятно, что вы, дорогие читатели, постепенно начинаете все больше интересоваться проектом "Юмор в образах". Что ж, для всех желающих - очередной выпуск! http://www.jorikus.newmail.ru/fun/p4.html

   On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

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   One day a man walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eighty dollars," the dentist says. "That's a ridiculous amount," the man says. "Isn't there a cheaper way?" "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an anaesthetic, I can knock it down to $60." "That's still too expensive," the man says. "Okay," says the dentist. "If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I could get away with charging $20." "Nope," moans the man. "It's still too much." "Hmm," says the dentist, scratching his head. "If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $10." "Marvelous," says the man. "Book my wife for next Tuesday!"

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   A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher. I sure am." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "No, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "No, I did not Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 second this time brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"

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   A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough."

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   After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other's throat for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor's office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion. "What seems to be the problem?" Immediately, the husband held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, the wife began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage. After 5 - 10 - 15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down. Afterwards, the wife sat there speechless. He looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had happened. The counselor spoke to the husband, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a week!" The husband scratched his head and replied, "I can have her here on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

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   Вокабулярик

A dean - декан;

out-of-bounds - вне досягаемости;

to book - делать ставку, (здесь) записывать;

devoted - преданный, привязанный;

counseling - психоанализ;

a straw - солома, (здесь) соломинка, за которую хватаются.

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
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