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Автор
Рабинович

Статистика

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Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  15                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Сутки добрые!

   Надеюсь, что у вас дела просто замечательно, зачеты, зкзамены и практики никого не мучают, а если мучают, то не сильно :0) Господа преподаватели!!! Будьте снисходительны к вашим студентам! (конец крика души :0)). Итак: победитель - Алекс (Faster) c о своей Гудей:

   Пьяный колебался вниз главного прохода города. Так или иначе, он сумел делать это лестницей к собору и в здание, где он потерпел крах от скамейки до скамейки. Он наконец сделал его путь к боковому проходу и в исповедь. Священник наблюдал(соблюдал) жаль продвижение(прогресс) человека. Расчет товарища был в потребности некоторой помощи, он перешел вводить(входить) в его сторону исповеди. Его внимание было вознаграждено только длинной тишиной. Наконец он спросил, " я могу помогать Вам, мой сын? " " Я dunno. " Прибыл drunk's голос из-за разделения. " Вы получили любую туалетную бумагу на вашей стороне? "

   Еще один примерчик:

   Имелся запуск парня вниз дороги с двумя пингвинами позади его автомобиля. Полицейский перемещал его и сказал, " я предлагаю, чтобы Вы брали этих пингвинов к зверинцу. " Человек смотрел на пингвинов, и затем согласился. На следующий день тот же самый парень, все еще с этими двумя пингвинами в его автомобиле, перемещался тем же самым полицейским. Полицейский сказал, " Эй Приятель, я думал, что я велел Вам брать тех пингвинов к зверинцу! " Человек смотрел на него гордо и сказал, " я делал, я беру их к парку(месту стоянки) сегодня! "

   Ну что ж, до встречи! :0)

   A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

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   A blonde got a job with the Public Works Department. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor, checking up at the end of the day, found the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average!! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out." The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the average and I don't want to discourage her, so I'll just keep quiet." The third day however the blonde only did one mile and the boss thought, "I need to talk to her before this gets any worse." The boss pulled the new employee in and says, "You were doing so great. The first day you did 4 miles, the second day 2 miles, but yesterday you only did one mile. Why? Is there a problem? An injury, equipment failure? What's keeping you from meeting the 2 mile minimum?" The blonde replied, "Well, each day I keep getting farther and farther away from the bucket."

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   An man walks into a hardware store and asks for a chain saw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The man is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took me ALL DAMN DAY!" The salesman takes the chain saw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the man says, "What's that noise?"

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   The Packers fan boarded a flight. Just before take-off, a Vikings fan got on and took the aisle seat next to the Packers fan. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Packers fan said "I think I'll get up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Vikings fan, "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Packers fan picked up the Vikings fan's shoe and spit in it. As the plane was landing, the Vikings fan slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" the Vikings fan fumed. "This hostility between our peoples? This hatred? This animosity? This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?"

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   A blonde hurries into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. The emergency room doctor asks her: "How did this happen?" "Well I was trying to commit suicide" the blonde replied. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I thought: I just paid $6,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest. Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself in the mouth!" "So then?" "Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before I pulled the trigger!"

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   Вокабулярик

A sermon - проповедь;

rural - сельский;

Packers и Vikings - наверняка бейсбольные или американофутбольные команды;

а toe - большой палец на ноге;

index finger - указательный палец;

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
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