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Автор
Рабинович

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Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  14                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Сутки добрые!

   Прошу меня простить за вынужденное молчание - как говорится, пора сессионная :0) Так что придется поднапрячься, дыбы поспевать за неумолимым течением времени... Сегодня победителем стал Andrei Leiko с номером:

   Блондинка, красная головка и брюнетка подписываются(нанимают) с туристской группой и зафрахтованный двухэтажный автобус, чтобы идти в Лондон. Имеются только два места, оставляемые вексель неоплаченным на дне шины(аэробуса) и только одно место в вершине шины(аэробуса), располагаемой, когда они cадятся. Они решили брать поездку(стоянку на якоре) оборотов в вершине и зеркально отражали монету, чтобы видеть, кто получил первый оборот. Блондинка выиграла подбрасывание. Пара часов, позже это является оборотом красной головки, так что она гуляет лестница, и видит, блондинка, находящаяся там(туда) испугалась до полусмерти. Она сцепляет место перед нею настолько жесткий, что ее костяшки являются белыми. " Что является goin ' на? " Красная головка спрашивает. Мы - havin ' главное старое время вниз ниже. " Ответы блондинки, " Да, но вы имеете драйвер. "

   Так-то. Ну, пишите письма :0)

   A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

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   A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him. "Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently." "I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "Is there anything I can do for you?" "Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye mother!' it would make me feel much better." "Sure," answered the young man. As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Good bye mother!" As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50. "How can that be?" he asked, "I only purchased a few things!" "Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

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   There was a guy driving down the road with two penguins in the back of his car. A policeman pulled him over and said, "I suggest you take these penguins to the zoo." The man took a look at the penguins, and then agreed. The next day the same guy, still with the two penguins in his car, got pulled over by the same cop. The cop said, "Hey Buddy, I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!" The man looked at him proudly and said, "I did, I'm taking them to the park today!"

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   A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"

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   The telephone rings and an answering machine answers... "Welcome to the psychiatric hotline." If you are obsessive compulsive, please press one repeatedly. If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid/delusional, we know who you are, what you want, just stay on the line so that we can trace your call. If your are a schizophrenic, listen carefully, and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If your are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press....no one will answer anyways.

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   Вокабулярик

Tentatively - в виде опыта, на пробу;

to embarras - смущать;

to slink - красться;

a pew - церковная скамья;

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
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