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ucmok_peku

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Еженедельные путешествия в мир, который говорит по-английски Humor on the Run (#3)


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Humor on the Run (#3)

Добрый день, уважаемые подписчики. Специально для тех, кто недавно подписался на нашу рассылку сообщаю, что в четверг-пятницу мы делаем выпуск, посвящённый исключительно юмору (анекдоты, шутки и т.д.) на английском языке. Не спешите отписываться! По понедельникам выходит настоящий выпуск, посвящённый каким-нибудь проблемам, трудностям и интересностям английского языка. Так что даже если трудно понимать юмор (всё-таки надеюсь, что вы разберётесь), ждите понедельника. А сегодня отдыхаем.

Сегодняшний выпуск я решил посвятить политическому юмору и шуткам на политическую тему. Поехали!

Little old lady at US immigration. OFFICIAL: Do you advocate the overthrow of the government by violence or subversion? {Pause for thought} LITTLE OLD LADY: Violence, I think.

* * *

My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, "What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?" My husband quickly answered, "Election day."

* * *

The two U.S. cities with the highest alcohol consumption are Las Vegas and Washington, DC. The difference between the two is that in Washington the drunks are gambling with "our" money!

* * *

Seen today on a government form: MOTHER'S NAME (Use maiden name if female):

* * *

Capitol Hill Definitions and Advice

1. People in Political Parties know which side of an issue they are on before they know which side is right.

2. The only prayer that should be allowed in schools is, "Lord, please send me a good teacher." 3. If you are concerned about the number of Homosexual couples around, tell Heterosexual couples to stop producing them.

* * *

This is supposed to have happened in the election before last: a Conservative candidate was doing a door-to-door canvass to get votes since the date for the general election had been announced and it was campaign time. At one house, he noticed that the man who answered the door was wearing a very smart suit. "Are you a businessman, sir?" asked the politician. "Yes" replied the man. "Well, under a Conservative government, your business will prosper" declared the politician, "what line of business are you in?" "I'm an undertaker" replied the man.

* * *

Clinton is returning to Washington after a trip, and as he walks down the steps of Air Force One, he is leading a small dog on a leash. The Marine at the bottom of the steps snaps a smart salute. Marine: "Welcome back home, Mr. President." Clinton: "Thank you. It's good to be back." Marine: "Nice dog, sir." Clinton: "Thanks. I got it for Hillary." Marine: "Good trade, sir."

* * *

If PRO is the opposite of CON, what is the opposite of PROGRESS?
CONGRESS! (A fine linguistically joke!)

* * *

Speaker's Corner is a traditional sounding off post for 'characters.' The long-term commie speaker was saying: "Look at all the posh cars over there. My friends, when the day of liberation comes, every one of you can have a big car like that." A voice from the back: "Not me. I like my little VW." The speaker gets angry: "My friend, when the day of liberation comes, you will do as you are bloody well told!"

* * *

Шутка на злобу для, специально про перепись: The CENSUS TAKER knocked on the door of a backwoods shack. An old timer came out, asking what he wanted. "The President has sent us across the country to find out how many people live in the United States," the man replied. "I'm sorry you came all the way out here to ask me," said the hillbilly, "cause I ain't got the faintest idea."

* * *

Последние три шутки на закуску: While visiting Iowa State University this week, Dan Quayle observed that the reason for low voter turnout is the difficulty in getting to the poles. Said the Vice President: "Even in this modern age of rapid transit, it can take several days to get to either pole - North or South."

"We understand the attorneys are having a lot of trouble finding jurors for the Oliver North trial.. They have to locate 12 people that have never heard of the Iran-Contra scandal. So far, they've only been able to come up with the President."

Felix: I don't think George is going to make it as a politician.

Oscar: Why not?

Felix: Well, take that speech he gave yesterday...when he asked if they could hear him in the back and the answer was "no," everyone in front moved to the back!

Ну вот и всё на сегодня. Надеюсь, вам было интересно. Встретимся в понедельник для обсуждения одной очень интересной темы. Пока.

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Немецкий быт и образ жизни глазами русского,
или стоит ли бояться немецкого языка?

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