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При закрытии подписчики были переданы в рассылку "Jewish anecdote" на которую и рекомендуем вам подписаться.

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Автор
Рабинович

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Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  9                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Доброго вам дня/утра/ночи!

   Лично я после того, как наберу последнюю буквочку рассылки, отправлюсь спатоньки, чего и вам желаю независимо от времени суток, так как нет ничего лучше здорового сна... Ну, разве что Квейковый Deathmatch, пивные гулянки и... конечно же общение с вами, дорогие листатели!
  Переходя к делу, хочется отметить засилие переводчика Prompt на ваших компутерах, так как почти все переводы, присылаемые на конкурс, выдаются на горА именно сией прогой. А ведь, по моей статистике, этот переводчик производит довольно неплохое впечатление качнством перевода. Мораль сей басни такова: больше переводчиков, хороших и разных! Надеюсь, мотивация ясна :0) Победил же сегодня Serge 'long time' Yakunin, заставив поработать свой Stylus:

   Имеется этот Польский парень, кто имел Еврейского соседа. Он идет к посещению его, потому что он хочет знать, почему Евреи - все настолько интеллектуальные. " Мы едим множество рыбы, " говорит Еврейского соседа. " Могу я иметь некоторые? " Спрашивает Польского человека. " Это - gonna, стоят Вас $100 часть, " ответы Еврейский человек. " Если это будет делать меня более шикарным(более сильным), я желаю пробовать, " говорит Польского человека. Он ест рыбу, но кое-что беспокоит его. " Вы знаете, что сотня долларов - множество денег для рыбы. Я думаю, что Вы исказили меня на, это имеет дело. " " Вы видите! " Отвечает сосед, " это уже работает! "

   Ну, посмеялись, и хватит. А впереди у нас серьезнейшая работа - вникание в американские шутки нашим отечественным умом :0)

   Jack Valenti - the president of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences - is flying down the road and he comes over a bridge. Sure enough, a cop with a radar gun is sitting on the other side of the bridge and pulls him over. The cop walks up to Jack's car and asks, "What's the hurry?" The guy says, "I'm late for work." "What do you do?" Jack responds, "Well, I'm a rectum stretcher." The cop says, "What? A rectum stretcher?" Jack says, "Yeah. I start with a finger, then work my way up to two fingers... eventually I get a hand in, then both hands, and I slowly stretch it until it's about six feet wide." The cop asks, "What do you do with a six-foot asshole?" "Well, most times you just give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a bridge!"

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   At the conference of the women's independence league the speaker from England stood up and said, "At last years'conference we spoke about being more assertive with our husbands. Well, after the conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had cooked a wonderful roast lamb." The crowd cheered. The second speaker from America stood and spoke, "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my washing as well." The crowd cheered again. The third speaker from Ireland narrated: "After last years' conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye!"

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   A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, and make it quick!" The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender remarks, "I've never seen anybody drink that fast!" The cowboy replies, "Well, you'd drink that fast too if you had what I have." "What's that?" asks the bartender. "Only fifty cents!"

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   Rick, fresh out of accounting school, went to a interview for a good paying job. The company boss asked various questions about him and his education, but then asked him, "What is three times seven?" "22," Rick replied. After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he *knew* he should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn't get the job. About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he was hired for the job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, but was still very curious. The next day, he went in and asked why he got the job, even though he got such a simple question wrong. The boss shrugged and said, "Well, you were the closest."

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   ...Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right ... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll get back to you.

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   Вокабулярик

A rectum - прямая кишка;

to stretch - растягивать;

assertive - утвердительный (в смысле твердый);

a shot - (здесь) порция выпивки;

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
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