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Рассылка закрыта

При закрытии подписчики были переданы в рассылку "Jewish anecdote" на которую и рекомендуем вам подписаться.

Вы можете найти рассылки сходной тематики в Каталоге рассылок.

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Автор
Рабинович

Статистика

4.751 подписчиков
-8 за неделю
←   Все выпуски   →

Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  3                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Пламенный привет всем 2409 подписчикам, ценителям зарубежного юмора, английского языка и сердечной атмосферы :).

   Надеюсь, вам понравилась идея с машинным переводом и вытекающими из нее курьезами. К сожалению, переводов анекдотов из рассылки я так и не получил, зато выплыла вот какая штука: один из подписчиков,Shaman, решил перевести на английский фразу, а затем перевести ее же снова на русский и т.д. И вот что из этого вышло:

самое главное => most important =>  наиболее важный => most relevant  =>  наиболее уместный => most pertinent  => наиболее подходящий =>  most approaching => большинство приближения =>  majority of an approximation => большая часть аппроксимации  => large part of approximating =>  большая партия аппроксимации => major consignment of approximating  => совершеннолетняя консигнация аппроксимации =>  adult consignment of approximating => консигнация пассажира по полному тарифу аппроксимации =>  consignment of the passenger on an adult fare of approximating

  После этого комп был уже не в состоянии что-либо из себя выдавить :) Спасибо,Shaman! Информация для размышления остальным подписчикам - веселье продолжается. Поэтому не стесняйтесь присылать свои варианты переводов! С речами на сегодня все :).

   Three missionaries are lost in the jungle, when suddenly a lion appears. They inmediately drop to their knees and pray: "Oh Lord, by some miracle, let this lion become a Christian!" When they open their eyes, they see the lion hunched on the ground, his paws pressed together. With total disbelief, they walk closer to the lion and hear him whispering: "Dear Lord, please bless this food as I prepare to partake of this humble meal..."

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   A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up. Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it. When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer. The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow down? It must have been torn off when the truck hit you." "My God!" screamed the lawyer. "Where's my Rolex?"

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   The other night I was invited out for a night with the guys. I told my wife that I would be home by midnight ... "promise!" Well, the hours passed quickly and the beer was going down way too easy. At 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for having such a rapid, witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Got away with that one, I thought! Then she told me we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said "Well, last night it cuckooed 3 times, then said, 'oh shit,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more....then farted."

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   A man was walking along a beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie. The genie said "OK, OK. You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah, This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about the first two. You only get one wish!" The man sat and thought about it for a while and said,"I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?" The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete...how much steel!! No, think of another wish." The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish.Finally, he said,"I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say 'nothing'....know how to make them truly happy...." The genie said, "You want that bridge two lanes or four"?

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   There are three engineers in a car; an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car just stops by the side of the road, and the three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong.The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred. The chemical engineeer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere. Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, "Why dont we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe itll work !?"

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   Вокабулярик

To hunch - сгорбиться;

elbow - локоть;

to giggle - хихикать;

to stumble - спотыкаться, натыкаться;

concrete - бетон;

lane - (здесь) полоса (движения).

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
http://www.citycat.ru/
E-mail: citycat@citycat.ru
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