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ucmok_peku

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Еженедельные путешествия в мир, который говорит по-английски Humor on the Run (#5)


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Humor on the Run (#5)

Добрый день, уважаемые подписчики. Специально для тех, кто недавно подписался на нашу рассылку сообщаю, что в четверг-пятницу мы делаем выпуск, посвящённый исключительно юмору (анекдоты, шутки и т.д.) на английском языке. Не спешите отписываться! По понедельникам выходит настоящий выпуск, посвящённый каким-нибудь проблемам, трудностям и интересностям английского языка. Так что даже если трудно понимать юмор (всё-таки надеюсь, что вы разберётесь), ждите понедельника. А в середине недели мы отдыхаем, наслаждаясь английским юмором или шуткам на английском языке.

Today's issue is dedicated to computer jokes. There are lots of them, that's why I suggest that we make to issues dedicated to computer jokes. So, let's go!

* * *

President Clinton, as part of his goal to increase technical awareness and interest in the sciences, asked the various major computer companies to cooperate in a large Multimedia publishing project. The general theme was "Elephants". The piece from Apple was titled: "User Friendly Elephants and Their Friend, the Mouse". IBM's: "How to Sell an Elephant to Someone Who Wants a Racehorse". Novell's: "Connecting Elephants". Borland's: "All Elephants Should Cost $99". NeXT's: "Painting an Elephant Black". Microsoft's: "Why You Should Buy Microsoft Windows". Netscape's: "Old Elephant never dies." Intel's: "Elephant Inside"

* * *

Question: What is the difference between hardware and software? Answer: Hardware gets faster, cheaper, smaller. Software gets slower, costlier and bigger.

* * *

This morning I had the following telephone conversation with a federal employee who shall remain nameless: He: "Okay, so I'll fax you fifteen to twenty copies of the flyer." Me: "Umm...why don't you just send us one and I'll make the copies?" He: "Well, I was going to fax it to you on yellow paper...."

* * *

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?" Tech Rep: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?" Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?" Tech Rep: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?" Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer." Tech Rep: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional, at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?" Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a promotional. It just has '4X' on it." At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder, and snapped it off the drive.

NOTE: It happens that "4X" is also a popular brand of Aussie beer.

* * *

The reason computer chips are so small is computers don't eat much.

* * *

An obviously clueless lady called in to a talk radio show and asked, "Do I need, um, a computer to use Windows 95?" The host responded, "You'll have less trouble with Windows 95 without a computer than with one."

* * *

When I worked for a company that had a contract with 3M, 3M had asked me to write them a memo describing why we were having problems with diskette failures. I said in the memo that the disks were failing due to head crashes. "If the customers would just clean their heads periodically, we wouldn't have these problems," I said in the memo. One customer responded with "What kind of shampoo do you recommend?"

* * *

Unclear on the concept: The Weather Office is now using fax machines to give local authorities early warning of severe weather. The Houston emergency planning office said: "Rather than having to rely on telephones, for instance, where lines are at risk in bad weather, we are encouraging the wider use of fax machines."

До встречи в понедельник, когда мы будем обсуждать довольно интересную тему.

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