Рассылка закрыта
При закрытии подписчики были переданы в рассылку "Jewish anecdote" на которую и рекомендуем вам подписаться.
Вы можете найти рассылки сходной тематики в Каталоге рассылок.
Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
| Выпуск 28 | Шутки из забугорья |
Добрый пасмурный дождливый холодный летний день!
Наверняка сейчас где-то сияет ласковое солнышко, люди загорают на пляжах,
случаются тепловые удары... Мне же ничего из вышеперечисленного аж никак не грозит
-
все так же обалденно мокро и гадко :0) Эх, сейчас бы еще снегу намело...Тогда бы
без сомнения я смог уделять больше времени и сил данной рассылке :0)
Что ж, начнем с новостей. С сегодняшнего номера я решил на время, а может и не на
время, прекратить
конкурс переводов, так как он, ясное дело, многим уже просто приелся. Авось получится
придумать что новое.
И, конечно, не без вашей помощи. Будут идеи - милости прошу! :0)
"Юмор в образах" ждет вас!!! http://www.jorikus.newmail.ru/fun/p13.html
A man walks into a bar and sees a dog laying on the floor. He says to the guy sitting
next to it in a chair, "Does your dog bite?" The man in the chair says "No." So the
man bends down to pet the dog. Just as he starts to pet him, the dog turns his head
really quick and bites him right in the hand. The man jumps back fast as he can and
yells "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?!" The man in the chair turns slowly
and says: "That ain't my dog."
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This strom rolls in after the mighty S.S. THOR has been sailing for 30 days. Lightning
strikes and knocks a hole in the ship. The men scurry around but nothing can be done
the ship is sinking slowly. So the brave ship's captain takes the bible in his hands
and calls out to the crew: "Do any of you beleive in God?" One man stpes forward
and says "I do!" So the captain hands him the bible and says: "Here, take this and
pray. We're short one life jacket!"
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale." The collector says "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you twenty dollars for that cat." And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats!"
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Q: Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A: Because any Mexican who can run, jump, and swim is already in America!
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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red shirt!' The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, 'Bring me my red shirt!' And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, 'Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?' The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, 'If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid.' The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!'
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А здесь все интересующиеся могут ознакомиться
со способами заработка на просторах сети. Жду в гости!
Вокабулярик To scurry - сновать; mangy - паршивый, зачуханный; to lap - (здесь)лакать; frantic - неистовый; First Mate - (по-моему)боцман; to repell - отталкивать, отбрасывать; the lookout - дозорный; an ensign - морской младший лейтенант; to exhort - увещевать.
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