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При закрытии подписчики были переданы в рассылку "Jewish anecdote" на которую и рекомендуем вам подписаться.

Вы можете найти рассылки сходной тематики в Каталоге рассылок.

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Автор
Рабинович

Статистика

4.751 подписчиков
-8 за неделю
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Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  21                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Приятного времени суток, уважаемые!

   Перед вами очередной выпуск вашей любимой рассылки :0). Начнем, пожалуй, с вещей немного отвлеченных. Интересный факт - число подписчиков дошло до 3100 человек и четко стоит уже который день на этой отметке. Количество подписавшихся равно количеству покинувших наши ряды... Прям мистика какая-то :0) Наверное, просто рассылка прочно заняла свой ареал обитания со своей стабильной аудиторией. Это, наверное, хорошо. Хотя я, конечно же, не буду против, ежели вы посоветуете подписаться на данный скромный труд нашего творчества своим друзьям, знакомым и близким :0)))
  Далее, просматривая статистику страницы "Юмора в образах" я был удивлен, нет, скорее, поражен тем, что среди подписчиков есть жители США (больше всего!), Голландии, Австралии, Германии, Англии, Франции и многих других стран дальнего зарубежья. Не скрою, факт очень лестный и приятный. Но вот какая интересная ситуация получается: шутки в данном случае перестают быть забугорными, становясь чем-то своим, родным, чего за рубежом и так много :) Уважаемые подписчики из дальнего зарубежья! Огромная просьба - напишите мне, пожалуйста, каким же чудодейственным образом сложились ваши отношения с данной рассылкой? Буду вам очень признателен...
  Итак, к делу! Победителем сегодня стал наш ветеран машпереводного дела Алексей (korall). Звучят фанфары и барабанная дробь!!!

   Один день Пират и бармен говорил с друг другом в баре. Бармен спросил, пират " Где ya получают тот участок маршрута ориентира от? " Пират отвечал " Мы управляли морями, когда большой ol ' акула подошел ко мне, в то время как я был swimmin ' и откусывал меня участок маршрута. " Позже Бармен спросил " Где Вы получали тот крюк тогда? " Пират отвечал " Хорошо, меня экипажу, и я был в сражении, и это сокращалось через кость. " Бармен тогда спросил " Тогда где ya получают заплату глаза от? " Пират сказал " В гавани, я смотрел на чайку, летящую по голове, и требуется свалка прямо во мне глаз. " Бармен был озадачен и спросил пирата, ", как это будет заставить Вы получить заплату глаза? " Пират отвечал, " Сначала дню с крюком. "

   А вот кому картинок свежих, с пылу с жару?! Клацать здесь! http://www.jorikus.newmail.ru/fun/p6.html

   A very self-important young man goes out and buys what he believes is the best car available: a 2000 Porsche 911 Turbo. That night, he takes it out for a spin and, while doing so, stops at a red light. An old man on a mo-ped (both looking about 90 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over the sleek, shiny surface of the car and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A 2000 Porsche 911 Turbo. It cost me more than $100,000." "That's a lot of money," replies the old man. "Why do they cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 180 miles an hour!" states the young man proudly. The mo-ped driver asks, "Can I take a look inside?" "Sure," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Leaning back on his mo-ped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right!" Just then the light changes, so the young guy decides to show the old man what his car can do. He floors it, and within 10 seconds the speedometer reads 120 MPH. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror that seems to be getting closer! He slows down to see what it could be and suddenly, whhhoooossshhh! Something whips by him, going much faster! "What on earth could be going faster than my Porsche 911 Turbo?" the young man asks himself. Then, ahead of him, he sees a dot coming toward him. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading the opposite direction! And, it almost looked like the old man on the mo-ped! "Couldn't be," thinks the guy. "How could a mo-ped outrun a Porsche 911 Turbo?" Again, he sees a dot in his rear view mirror! Whooooosh-BLAMMM! It plows into the back of his car. The young man jumps out. It is the old man! Of course, the mo-ped and the old man are hurting for certain. He runs up to the old man and says, "You're hurt bad! Is there anything I can do for you?" The old man groans and replies, "Yes. Unhook my suspenders from your side mirror, please."

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   A father was at the beach with his children when the four- year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the son asked. "He died and went to Heaven," the dad replied. The boy thought for a moment and then asked, "Daddy, did God throw him back down?"

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   A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? A child? A parent?" The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied, "My wife's first husband."

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   Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Shhh, don't talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice "I ... I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Becky. "Everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your Sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your Mother!" "I know" Becky whispered softly. "That's why I poisoned you."

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   A young man asked an old rich guy how he made his money. The old guy said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. "I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. "The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. "Then my wife's father died and left us ten million dollars."

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   Вокабулярик

Sleek - гладкий;

suspenders - подтяжки;

grief - горе, речаль;

to mourn - оплакивать;

slumber - дрема.

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
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