Еженедельные
путешествия
в мир,
который говорит
по-английски
Еженедельные
путешествия
в мир,
который говорит
по-английски
Выпуск
№ 6: Наша
новогодняя
сказка или
"...Прогресс
не
остановишь"
Дорогие
подписчики! Рады
поздравить
вас с
наступившим
2002 годом, желаем
чаще
улыбаться,
чаще
встречаться
с Ее
Величеством
Удачей и
чаще
заходить
страничку
нашей переводческой
группы "Слово-Дело"
www.slovo-delo.ru.
Напомню, что
именно там
вы можете
получить
качественную,
быструю,
профессиональную
переводческую
помощь! :)
Сегодня
мы хотим вам
рассказать
новогоднюю
сказку, но не
простую, а политкорректную
новогоднюю
сказку. PoliticalCorrectness-
страшная,
должен вам
сказать,
сила, порождающая
курьезнейшие
мутации
языка.
Только
посмотрите,
во что может
превратиться
сказка про
"Трех поросят",
препарированная
по всем
правилам "лингвистического
такта". Сия
словесная
груда была
собрана
остроумнейшим
Джеймсом Финном
Гарднером,
американским
писателем,
переписавшим
популярнейшие
сказки политкорректным
языком. Ониздалбестселлер "Politically
correct bedtime stories", впредисловииккоторому, дабыизбежатьобвинениявнарушенииполиткорректности (!!), говоритбуквальноследующее: "If,
through omission of commission, I have inadvertently displayed any sexist, rasist, culturalist, nationalist,
regionalist, ageist, lookist, ableist,
sizeist, speciesist,
intellectualist, socioeconomist, ethnocentrist, phallocentrist, heteropatriarchialist, or other type of bias, as yet
unnamed, I apologize and encourage your suggestions for rectification".
А? Каково?
Ну разве
не кайф –
весь этот гетеропатриархальный
фаллоцентризм
с оттенком эйджизма?
А что может
быть
приятней,
чем
обозвать заклятого
недруга эйблистом.
Ноперейдемже, наконец, ксамойсказочке...
Once
there were little pigs who lived together in mutual
respect and in harmony with their environment. Using materials which were
indigenous to the area, they each built a beautiful house… One day,
along came a big, bad wolf with expansionist ideas. He saw the pigs and grew
very hungryin both physical and ideological sense.
When the pigs saw the wolf, they run into a house of straw. The wolf ran up
to the house and banged on the door, shouting: "Little pigs, little
pigs, let me in!"
The pigs
shouted back: "Your gunboat tactics hold no fear for pigs defending
their homes and culture"!
But the
wolf wasn't to be denied what he thought was his manifest destiny. So he
huffed and puffed and blew down the house of straw. The frightened pigs ran
to the house of sticks, with the wolf in hot pursuit. Where the house of
straw had stood, other wolves bought up the land and started a banana
plantation.
At the
house of sticks, the wolf again banged the door and shouted:
"Little pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
The pigs
shouted back: "Go to hell, you carnivorous, imperialistic
oppressor!"
At this,
chuckled condescendingly. He thought to himself: "They are so childlike
in their ways. It will be a shame to see them go, but progress cannot be
stopped."
So
the wolf huffed and puffed and blew down the house of sticks. The pigs ran to
the house of bricks, with wolf close to their heels. Where the house of
sticks had stood, other wolves built a time-share condo resort complex for
vacationing wolves, with each unit a fiberglass reconstruction of the house
of sticks, as well as native curio shops, snorkeling, and dolphin shows.
At the
house of bricks, the wolf again banged on the door and shouted: "Little
pigs, little pigs, let me in!"
This
time in response, the pigs sang songs of solidarity and wrote letters of
protest to the United Nations.
By now
the wolf was getting angry at the pigs' refusal to see the situation from the
carnivore's point of view. So he huffed and puffed, and puffed and huffed,
then grabbed hid chest and fell over dead from massive heart attack brought
on from eating too many fatty foods.
The
three pigs rejoiced that justice had triumphed and did a little dance around
the corpse of the wolf. Their next step was to liberate their homeland. They
gathered together a band of other pigs who had been
forced off their lands. This new brigade of porcinistas
attacked the resort complex with machine guns and rocket launchers and
slaughtered the cruel wolf-oppressors, sending a clear signal to the rest of
the hemisphere not to meddle in their internal affairs. Then the pigs set up
a model socialist democracy with free education, universal health care, and
affordable housing for everyone.
Please
note: The wolf in this story was a metaphorical construct. No actual wolves
were harmed in the writing of the story.
Вещичка,
что и
говорить, шедевральная.
Отдельные
пассажи
можно
вырезать и
вешать в
рамочке на
стенку -
залюбуешься!