Рассылка закрыта
При закрытии подписчики были переданы в рассылку "Jewish anecdote" на которую и рекомендуем вам подписаться.
Вы можете найти рассылки сходной тематики в Каталоге рассылок.
Шутки из забугорья
| Выпуск 36 | Шутки из забугорья |
Всем привет!
На Украине снова весна - +7 тепла, зеленеют озимые, а в душе расцветают целые букеты
непередаваемых словами ощущений :0). Словом, самое время для нашего спецвыпуска для
взрослых. Посему - дети, идите пить пиво, а мы, уважаемые взрослые, погрузимся в
чтение и (иногда) в хохоток...
Пэ.Сэ. Уважаемые! Приношу извинения всем подписчикам, подписанным на рассылку в
текстовом варианте. Конечно же, это не моя затея писать русский текст латиницей! Очевидно,
что-то у нашего Кота было не в порядке. Но вроде уже все ОК... И еще. Пожалуйста, прежде
чем подписаться, читайте описание рассылки! Представляете, как я себя должен чувствовать,
когда ко мне приходят гневные письма с требованиями писать анекдоты нормально,
по-русски, а то, мол, им приходится со словарями сидеть :0))... Так-то.
A teacher puts a photograph of a tomcat on the blackboard, and proceeds to ask the class, if they can tell her how the tail is attached to the cat. Little Mary has the first attempt and answers, "By fur, Miss?" The teacher replies, "Not quite right, Mary, but a good try." Meanwhile all during the lesson, Little Johnny is sitting down the back raising his hand in the air saying, "Me, Miss!" "Me, Miss!" The next student the teacher's picks is Peter, and he answers "Is it attached by skin, Miss?" The teacher replies... "Not quite right either, Peter... Anyone else want to try?" Finally, the teacher had no choice but to pick Little Johnny. She said to Johnny, "What do you think the tail is attached by?" Johnny replied, "Judging by the size of those nuts on the cat... I'd say, it would have to be bolted on!"
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A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50, Chicken Sandwich: $2.50, Hand Job: $10.00. Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men. "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" "Yes", she purrs, "indeed I am." The man replies "Well wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :|One day, Pinocchio and his girlfriend were in bed doing what girls and wooden boys do. As they were cuddling later, Pinocchio could tell that something was bothering his girlfriend. So, he asked her, "What's the matter, baby?" Pinocchio's girlfriend gave a big sigh and replied, "You're probably the best guy I've ever met, but every time we make love you give me splinters." This remark bothered Pinocchio a great deal, so the next day he went to seek some advice from his creator, Gepetto, and revealed his dilemma to him. Gepetto searched up and down for a solution. Eventually, he suggested that sandpaper might be able to "smooth" out Pinocchio's relationship with his girlfriend. Pinocchio graciously thanked Gepetto and went on his way. Gepetto had not heard from Pinocchio for a while and therefore assumed that the sandpaper had solved all of Pinocchio's problems. A couple weeks later, Gepetto was in town to have some blades sharpened at the hardware store when he ran into Pinocchio. When he saw Pinocchio buying all the packs of sandpaper the store had in stock, Gepetto remarked, "So, Pinocchio, things must be going pretty damn good with the girls, eh?" and Pinocchio replied: "Girls, who needs girls?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
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Frank was excited about his new rifle. So, he went bear hunting. He spotted a small brown bear and shot it. There was then a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said: "You've got two choices. I either maul you to death or we have rough sex." Frank decided to bend over. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge. He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. There was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said: "That was a huge mistake, Frank. You've got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have REALLY rough sex." Again, Frank thought it was better to comply. Although he survived, it would take several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but then there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear said: "Admit it, Frank, you don't come here for the hunting, do you?"
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All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades. One knight told his best friend "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world. It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade." The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching. Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted. A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend. He said "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!!"
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Вокабулярик
a tomcat - кот;
nuts - орехи, но здесь: а) пардон, яйца; б) гайки;
to purr - мурлыкать;
to cuddle - обниматься;
a splinter - заноза;
sandpaper - наждачная бумага;
to maul - терзать, калечить;
chastity belt - пояс верности.
Keep laughing!
Jorikus
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E-mail: ask@subscribe.ru
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