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Веселости из Америки
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Funny stuff from USA
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabiths?"
And the shopkeeper gets down one his knees, so that he's on her level, and asks, "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy bwack wabby?"
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, bends forward and says, "I don't fink my pyfon gives a fuck."
A man parked his car at the supermarket and was walking past an empty cart when he heard a woman ask, "Excuse me, did you want that cart?"
"No," he answered. "I'm only after one thing."
As he walked toward the store, he heard her murmur, "Just like a man."
A man and his wife are watching a championship boxing match on TV. Early in the second round, one of the fighters goes down for the count. The husband sighs and says, "I'm so dis- appointed. It was all over in four minutes!"
The wife replies, "Good. Now you know how I feel."
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games.
In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!"
How To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in"
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy."
8. Dont use any punctuation marks
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner. "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity.......
20. Send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send them stuff like this.
Если у вас возникли вопросы по поводу того, как переводится то или иное слово или понятия - обращайтесь к нам на форум сайта Кота Бегемота
Спонсор сайта CatBegemot - хостинговая компания Zealus.com.
Zealus.com - веб-хостинг, дизайн и программные решения.
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