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Автор
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Служба Рассылок Городского Кота


Служба Рассылок Городского Кота
   Выпуск  29                                Шутки из забугорья                       

Приветище!

   Ну что ж, дорогие друзья, сегодня, как нельзя кстати, на ум прикодит крылатое изречение великого классика юмора и сатиры Карлсона :" А сейчас самое время попошлить" :0) Итак, дети до 16 лет, свободно владеющие английским языком, все уже поняли, взяли свое пиво и ушли подальше от экранов :0)

   А теперь самое серьезное предупреждение - детям до 18 и людям со слабой психикой вход сюда СТРОГО воспрещен!!! За последствия автор рассылки не несет никакой ответственности!http://www.jorikus.newmail.ru/fun/notforchildren1.html

   Two managers are going over their budget for the next year. After analyzing expenses and revenues, they come to the conclusion that they will have to lay off one of their two assistants, Jack or Jane. They go back and forth but can't decide who to lay off. Finally, one manager decides that they lay off the first person who gets up form their desk. In the meantime, Jane is hard at work but suddenly gets a headache. She gets some aspirin from her desk drawer and gets up from her desk to get some water. One of the managers gets up to break the bad news to Jane. Manager: "Jane, I need to talk to you. I've got a problem. I either need to lay you or Jack off..." Jane: "Well, jack-off. I've got a headache."

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   Maria had just got married and she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. "Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you." So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest." "Don't worry, Maria," says the mother, "all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you." So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!" "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you." So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. "Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!" "Stay here and stir the pasta," the mother says. "This is a job for Mama!"

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   Two old guys are sitting around talking and one says to the other, "Man have I got a problem, I'm so constipated, I haven't been able to take a shit for a week!" The other guy says, "Yeah, I've got a problem too, everyday at six am on the dot, I take a shit!" The other guy says "How can that be a problem, that's great, I wish I was you!" The second guy says, "It's a problem because I don't get up until 8!"

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   Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mother cleverly replies, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are!" With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy's!" "The bigger they are, the dumber they are!" she replies. With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber he got!"

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   A woman gives birth to a baby, and afterwards, the doctor comes in, and he says, "I have to tell you something about your baby." The woman sits up in bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor? What's wrong???" The doctor says, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite...what's that???" The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has the...er... features...of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my god! You mean it has a penis...AND a brain?"

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   А здесь все интересующиеся могут ознакомиться со способами заработка на просторах сети. Жду в гости!

Добро пожаловать!

   Вокабулярик

To lay off - уволить;

to lay - уложить (в постель);

jack-off - отвали!

chest - сундук,(здесь) грудная клетка;

a toe - палец на ноге;

a constipation - запор;

boobies - женские прелести (верхние);

dumb - тупой.

                           Keep laughing!    Jorikus
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