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humor


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REAL'ный английский

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Cегодня в рассылке: HUMOR
How do you do, Ladies & Gentlemen! Сегодня будет совсем уж не серьезный выпуск, посвященный шуточкам всех времен и народов. Приятного прочтения, ведь "Time spend laughing is time spent with the gods (Japanese proverb)"!

You're not a kid anymore when ...
http://www.ismckenzie.com/2002/06/21.html
You're not a kid anymore when ...
You're asleep but others worry that you're dead.
Your back goes out more than you do.
The only reason you're awake at 4 a.m. is indigestion.
The pharmacy gives you a volume discount.
You are proud of your lawnmower.
8 a.m. is your idea of "sleeping in."
People call you at 8 p.m. and ask: "Did I wake you?"
Your high school diploma is the color of buttermilk.
Digestion is a consideration when reading a menu.
Nobody ever tells you to slow down.
You make everyone be quiet during weather bulletins.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You have to get a fire permit to light your birthday candles.
You're always asked to say the blessing.
Your ears are hairier than your head.
You've seen Halley's Comet ... twice.
Your idea of the perfect nightcap is Metamucil.

Vocabulary
indigestion - расстройство желудка
lawnmower - газонокосилка
buttermilk - кефир
digestion - пищеварение
nightcap - стаканчик спиртного на ночь

Humor from comedians:
http://www.romwell.com/humor/Comedians.htm

"A recent study shows that 75 % of the body's heat escapes through the head," comments comedian Jerry Seinfeld. "I guess that means you could ski naked if you had a good hat."

I saw the most beautiful cars in the window of a dealership recently," said comedian Corbett Monica. "A sales man came out and said: 'Come on in. They're bigger than ever and they last a lifetime!' Later I learned he was talking about the payments."

"My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York," - said comedian Steven Wright.

"I went to the ballet the other night for the first time and saw the women dancing on their tiptoes," says comedian Greg Ray. "Why don't they just get taller girls?"

A computer-industry representatives have agreed that 'family control' technology on the Internet already exists," says Craig Kilborn. "It's just that kids won't explain it to their parents."

I recently went to my 30th class reunion from nursery school," says comic Wendy Leibman. "I didn't want to go because I've put on maybe 90 or 100 pounds since then.

"You can't have everything," says comedian Steven Wright. "Where would you put it?"

Vocabulary
ski - кататься на лыжах
naked - обнаженный
tiptoes - цыпочки
nursery - детский
pound - фунт

Ну и какой же тонкий английский юмор без шоу Бэнни Хилла:
The Best of Benny Hill (DVD)

Или тонкий американский юмор без сериала "Friends":
The Best of Friends (DVD)
Friends - официальный сайт

А чтобы лучше понимать и тот и другой, советую пройти курс Bridge to English:
Bridge to English. Базовый курс (CD)

P.S."Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine."

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