Prince Charles As a cost-cutting,
environment-saving measure, the royal philosopher has hired a yacht for a
trip round the Caribbean. Such is the
normal cost of his jaunts that the
prince has managed this feat by securing
one of the most expensive boats in the world (at a bargain price). So
Charlie wins. And we win too. Makes you feel warm all over doesn't
it?
Margaret Thatcher The Iron Lady, played by the
peerless Lindsay Duncan, is to be the subject of a BBC drama which will
portray her favourably as a feminist brought down by her male cabinet.
Dear Lady T, a sister after all.
'Round' children After a great deal of
research, scientists have declared that the plumper sorts among our
children are not especially to blame for their plumpness. Genes are to
blame, apparently. Pork pies and pop all
round.
Cherie Blair Some said it was for Tony, but
it turns out the new eco-friendly Jaguar left outside BlairTowers was loaned to Cherie for an
extended test drive. The Top Gear triumvirate must be bracing
themselves for the challenge.
Mr
Loophole The solicitor best known for getting
celebrities off driving raps
in court has successfully trademarked his nickname. Well done, old
boy, you must be top full of pride.
Damien Hirst The Brit artist has will be
opening an art shop in Marylebone, London. You'll be able to pop in and pick
up a plastic skull for a snip
at £25,000. Form that steady queue ...
National debt Thanks to the effective
nationalisation of Northern Rock, we feel a little bit poorer after last
week. We're highly delighted, of course, by the Treasury's
assurance that it's just a temporary shouldering
of £100bn of the bank's liabilities.
Britney Spears We Will Rock You, the
musical based on the songs of Queen and scripted by Ben Elton, used to
include disobliging
references to Britney Spears. Because of her ongoing, ahem, difficulties, the producers have decided to expurgate these
and replace them with references to Posh.
Heather Mills The soon-to-be-former Lady
McCartney is being sued by her solicitors for non-payment of their fees.
Which now means she is up against Danny Davis, Mishcon de Reya's formidable head
of insolvency.
Fighting a lawyer for money? There are easier gigs.
Grange Hill Our favourite school soap is
coming off air. The show no longer works, say execs - life in real schools
has become so vivid that it can't be reflected in a pre-watershed
drama. Yikes.
Friendship Not worth much, according to new
research, at least where sex is concerned: 44 per cent of women fancy
their best friend's partner and 33 per cent would do something about it if
they had the chance ... Steady on,
ladies.
The Queen While her son has had good news, the Boss
has received something of a knock-back. She
asked for help to the tune
of £3m (and got £1m) to repair crumbling
BuckinghamPalace and had her request turned
down. Watch the gutters,
ma'am.