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Автор
Статистика
22.666 подписчиков
-1 за неделю
-1 за неделю
Fluent English - Issue 40 April Special
| Информационный Канал Subscribe.Ru |
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Intro · Rack your brains · Jokes & Co. |
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| FLUENTENGLISH Educational Project © 2003 | |
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ISSUE 40 APRIL SPECIAL (54)
------------------------------------------- Иностранный язык нужно не учить. Иностранный язык нужно узнавать. ------------------------------------------- учебная рассылка для начинающих и продолжающих |
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| F.E. DESCRIPTION | |
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ЭТА РАССЫЛКА... ...предназначена для всех желающих углубить свои знания языка международного общения. Она будет полезна как начинающим, так и продолжающим, а также просто интересующимся. Данная рассылка не является учебным пособием, предлагающим "знания по нарастающей", от простого к сложному. Содержание разнообразно и почти независимо от выпуска к выпуску, что имеет большое преимущество: вы можете начать с любого выпуска! Единственное "но": вы должны действительно читать и разбирать материал, а не просто просматривать рассылку. Только тогда ваши знания будут стремиться к fluent English. Рекомендуем также по ходу дела заглядывать в словарь, пользоваться сборниками упражнений и другими учебными пособиями. |
| F.E. NEWS | |
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APRIL SPECIAL Этот выпуск, как вы уже заметили или еще заметите, - специальный: он посвящен Дню смеха. В связи с этим раздел Jokes на сайте тоже значительно пополнился. Внимание, новые подписчики (мы знаем, что вас много; добро пожаловать!): наши "будничные" выпуски содержат гораздо большее количество полезной информации! Убедиться в этом можно, посетив наш архив. GERUND В прошлом выпуске мы обещали, что в следующем номере продолжим рассказ про герундий. Говоря "следующий", мы имели в виду, конечно, "следующий обычный", со стандартными рубриками. Так как этот выпуск сплошь специальный, то и посвящен он специальной теме (см. выше), а про герундий мы все-таки расскажем в следующем номере. :-) WEB-SITE NEWS http://www.fluent-english.ru NEW LINKS! EasyEnglish.com. Бесплатные онлайн-тесты, ссылки на уроки английского языка. Еще ссылки? Здесь! NEW DOWNLOADS! Dream Days (92K), Kenneth Grahame. Tell Me A Story (52K), Traditional. 21 traditional stories from the British Isles, dramatised by J.D. Graham. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (187K), J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (455K), J.K. Rowling. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (283K), J.K. Rowling. Paul Kelver (307K), Jerome K. Jerome. American Notes (66K), Rudyard Kipling. На странице Downloads вы найдете еще много интересного! Если вы только что подписались или по каким-либо другим причинам не видели предыдущих выпусков, настоятельно рекомендуем посетить сайт проекта FLUENTENGLISH, откуда вы всегда сможете скачать архив рассылки. Выпуски содержат массу полезной информации. Кроме того, на сайте вы найдете еще много интересного в разделах Shop, Links, Downloads, Grammar guide, Jokes, Music World, Discussion group и других. Заходите к нам почаще, мы вам всегда рады! |
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SHOP About A Boy Gone With The Wind Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets The Four Feathers The Lord Of The Rings: The Two Towers The Others The Simpsons (художественные фильмы и мультфильмы в формате mpeg4) Подробности и заказ — здесь. Видеограмматика Intellect. Английский язык. Просто о сложном (Intellect) Над созданием курса видеограмматики работали лучшие лингвисты страны. Видеокурс позволяет быстро освоить правила грамматики и научиться применять их практически. Видеокурс учит правильно читать, строить предложения, понимать речь и говорить, грамотно переводить. Большое внимание уделяется примерам, которые способствуют лучшему восприятию материала и облегчают его применение в реальной жизни. Даже самые сложные синтаксические построения станут Вам по плечу. Видеокурс грамматики доступен каждому, независимо от способности к языку. Комплект состоит из видеокассеты, инструкции, текстового приложения. Подробности и заказ — здесь. Посетите наш онлайн-магазин для изучающих английский язык! http://www.fluent-english.ru/shop.php FLUENT ENGLISH Расскажите о проекте, сайте, рассылке и дискуссионной группе друзьям и знакомым, соседям и родственникам! Отправьте этот выпуск всем, кто может быть заинтересован в изучении английского языка! Сайт проекта: http://www.fluent-english.ru. Теперь у вас есть возможность реализовать собственные идеи и принять участие в нашем проекте! Присоединяйтесь к F.E.Team! Подробную информацию о размещении рекламы на нашем сайте вы найдете здесь: http://www.fluent-english.ru/ad.php. |
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INTRO В этом выпуске - только две рубрики, одна из которых, кстати, по статистике является самой читаемой. up RACK YOUR BRAINS What Is It? Schwarzenegger has a big one, Michael Fox has a small one, Madonna doesn't have one, The Pope has one but doesn't use it, Clinton uses his all the time, So what is it? Here is the answer! Select hidden text in brackets: (It's a last name... Were you thinking of something else?) up JOKES & Co. Expressions, Sayings, Thoughts .: The scale at my doctor's office has a chart showing the ideal weight per height. Thanks to that, I now know what my problem is. I'm not overweight; I'm too short. .: A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. .: Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. .: Kids really brighten a household; they never turn off any lights. .: This kitchen is closed today because of illness. I'm sick of cooking. .: There are two kinds of pedestrians... the quick and the dead. .: Never tell your computer that you're in a hurry. .: Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Who do you think you are?" .: The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures. .: There are some people we want to offend. .: Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time - I think I've forgotten this before. (Stephen Wright) .: I'm a Leo. Leos don't believe in this astrology stuff. (Tom Neff) .: He who gets a name for early rising can stay in bed until midday. .: The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering! (Ashleigh Brilliant) .: When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. (Woody Allen) .: Where ever you go, there you are. (Buckaroo Bonzai) Interesting Facts .: Scientists have shown that the moon is moving away at a tiny, although measurable distance from the earth every year. If you do the math, you can calculate that 85 million years ago the moon was orbiting the earth at a distance of about 35 feet. This would explain the death of the dinosaurs... the tallest ones, anyway. .: Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print is different. .: In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes. .: If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall. .: Americans on an average eat 18 acres of pizza every day. Easy Way Out A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. "I want to say that it's been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you've all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets their GPA messed up because they might have been celebrating a bit too much this week, anyone who would like to opt out of the final exam today will receive a 'B' for the course." There was much rejoicing in the class as students got up, walked to the front of the class, and took the professor up on his offer. As the last taker left the room, the professor looked out over the handful of remaining students and asked, "Anyone else? This is your last chance." One final student rose up and opted out of the final. The professor closed the door and took attendance of those students remaining. "I'm glad to see you believe in yourself," he said. "You all get 'A's." Almost Gone "Oh God," sighed the wife one morning, "I'm convinced my mind is almost completely gone!" Her husband looked up from the newspaper and commented, "I'm not surprised, you've been giving me a piece of it every day for twenty years!" Contacts A guy was pulled over for running a stop sign. When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said, "You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket for that." The guy said, "But Officer, I have contacts..." The cop said, "Look, buddy, I don't care who you know - I'm giving you a ticket." Expectant Fathers Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins." "What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets." "Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence," he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down." An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the 3rd man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply. "Don't tell me another coincidence?" asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said "I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel." After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the 4th guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and, after some time, he slowly gained back his consciousness. The nurse asked, "Sir, are you all right?" "Yes" says the man, "I'm OK now, I just had a shocking thought. I work at 911." I Know Everyone Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba, how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts. "Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington." And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The Pope," his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time." Off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." Bubba disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. By the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?'" Golf Two women were talking the other day over tea. "Did I tell you that my husband has taken up golf?" the first lady asked her friend. "No, as a matter of fact, you didn't," her friend replied, "How's he doing?" "Evidently, very well," said the first lady. "He's only played three times, but his friends tell me that he's already throwing his clubs as far as men who've been playing the game for years!" Change of mind A man sits down at a restaurant and looks at the menu. He tells the waiter, "I think I will have the turtle soup". The waiter leaves, but the man changes his mind to the pea soup. He calls out to the waiter, "Excuse me, can you hold the turtle and make it pea?" Board Meeting After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced that he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. However, the first man to arrive was a total stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister. "I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him." Psychic A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The granddaughter, wide-eyed responds, "Grandma? Is that you?" "Yes, granddaughter, it's me." "It's really you, Grandma?" the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "When did you learn to speak English?" Buffet Horace grabbed his plate and walked up to the buffet for the 4th time. "Aren't you embarrassed to go for so many helpings?" asked his wife. "Not a bit," Horace replied, "I keep telling them it's for you." Chicken A guy was at a restaurant and couldn't figure out what to get, so he asked the waiter whom he knew, "What do you recommend, Henri?" "Well, today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almandine and a nice side salad, with a succulent shrimp cocktail and your choice of beverage and dessert." "That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?" "We break it to him very gently and tell him it's nothing personal!" Fishing Trip A lawyer and a doctor were on an extravagant fishing trip. The lawyer said, "I am here because my house burned down and everything I owned was burned. The insurance company paid a mint for everything I lost." "Now that's quite a coincidence," said the doctor, "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer looked somewhat confused and said, "Really? How do you start a flood?" Spell A Word A woman found herself standing at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter greeted her and said, "These are the Gates to Heaven, my dear. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied. "What word?" she asked. "Any word," answered St. Peter. "It's your choice." The woman promptly replied, "Then the word I will spell is love. L-O-V-E." St. Peter welcomed her in, and asked her if she would mind taking his place at the gates for a few minutes while he took a break. So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair when a man approaches the gates, and she realizes it is her husband. "What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?" Her husband stared at her for a moment, then said, "I was so upset when I left your funeral, I got in an accident. Did I really make it to Heaven?" "Not yet," she replied, "You must spell a word first." "What word?" he asked. The woman responded, "Czechoslovakia." Terrible Accident A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab in front of a huge, flashing 'Shell' sign. And somebody was standing in front of the 'S'!" Severe Thunderstorm A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management." Boss Of The House One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, "Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Cause Mommy put you in charge, huh Daddy?" Toughen Up My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Eventually, he even started putting potatoes in the sacks. Make $$$$ Fast Are you interested in making $$$$ fast? Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose! Trust me. Try it now! Follow this simple procedure: 1. Hold down the shift key. 2. Hit the 4 key four times fast. Are You Good? A small child met his new teacher for the first time. "Are you good?" asked the teacher. "I am the sort of boy my mummy tells me not to play with." A Blonde Again Q: How does a blond kill a bird? A: She throws it off a cliff. The Fastest Father Three boys are at school bragging of how great their fathers are. The first one says, "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow." The second one says, "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet." The third one listens to the other two and shakes his head. He then says: "You two know nothing about being fast. My father works for the city. He stops working at 4:30 and he is home by 3:45!" No More These are 2 kids we throw stuff at. There used to be 3 of them. Mom says we can't throw heavy stuff no more. It's Illegal Five Belgians in an Audi Quattro arrive at the French border. The French Customs agent stops them and tells them, "It's illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro." "Oh, no, Quattro is just the name of the automobile. Look at the papers: this car is designed to carry 5 persons." "You can't pull that one on me," replies the French customs agent. "Quattro means 4!" "Oh, you are so stupid! Call your supervisor over!" "He can't come. He's busy with two guys in that Fiat Uno." Alcohol This redneck felt sick and decided to go to the doctor. The doctor examining him says, "Well, I can't seem to find the problem, but I think it has something to do with alcohol." The redneck replies, "Well, then, I'll come back when you're sober." Cruise Ship "Shall I bring you your lunch on deck, sir?" asked the cruise ship steward. "No," replied the queasy passenger, "just throw it overboard and save us both some time." Раздел Jokes на нашем сайте пополнился новыми шутками, изречениями, смешными вопросами и картинками! |
| F.E. DISCUSSIONS | |
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О чем говорят в дискуссионной группе... .: War in Iraq. .: Software. .: Joe Palooka doll. .: Предлоги, предлоги... .: Логические задачи. .: Раздвоение личности. .: Our father. .: URL. Станьте участником группы и дискутируйте с нами! (Подробности — на нашем сайте). Архив сообщений группы (работает по принципу форума): http://groups.yahoo.com/group/fluengl |
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SHOP Transparent English (Л. Долинская, Н. Киткова) Книга направлена на быстрое накопление и расширение запаса английских слов без обращения к словарю. Рассчитана на широкий круг читателей и любой уровень знаний: от начинающих до свободно владеющих языком. Может быть использована как для индивидуальных, так и для коллективных занятий. Незаменима при подготовке к сдаче любых экзаменов по английскому языку: вступительных, TOEFL и др. Подробности и заказ — здесь. Essential English Idioms: An Up-to-Date Guide to the Idioms of British English (Richard A. Spears, E.M. Kirkpatrick, Betty Kirkpatrick) This fascinating reference presents more than 1,800 of the most interesting and difficult-to-grasp expressions used by Brits around the world. Completely indexed. Подробности и заказ — здесь. Посетите наш онлайн-магазин для изучающих английский язык! http://www.fluent-english.ru/shop.php |
| F.E. SIGNATURE | |
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Sergey Sirotkin,
freelance translator Special thanks to Natalya Belinsky for proofreading. We wish you every success in getting to know English! |
| FLUENTENGLISH Educational Project © 2003 | |
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