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Surviving Valentine's Day if you Are Single
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Surviving Valentine's Day if you Are Single

Surviving Valentine's Day if you Are Single

For many, St Valentine's Day is the pinnacle of the romantic year. It is a time for loved ones to exchange all manner of gifts, including chocolates, flowers, cuddly toys and cards loaded with mots d'amour. It is the one day of the year when you feel wanted. A pink sugar-coated happy day that brightens up the dullest part of winter.

However, for perpetual bachelors or those of us embracing spinsterhood with open arms, it can be the cruellest date on the calendar. So what to do with this day? Batten down the hatches, hide under the duvet and emerge anew on the 15th? Here's what we suggested...

Talk Yourself Out of it

Survive Valentine's day by the simple expedient of ignoring any significance it might have.

This is easy enough in the modern world where it's just another excuse for companies to attempt to get you to buy large quantities of overpriced, badly made and tacky goods (which are also usually pink and heart-shaped). Think about how good it is that you've gone through another year with your head clear of Valentine's Day commercial-inducedblindness. Comfort yourself with the thought that Valentine's Day is right up there with the brash commercialisation of Christmas. That somehow celebrating it with misplaced generosity will make you a more attractive and better person. In life we need food, shelter, water, oxygen, clothing, transport and each other. We've lost the point. We need each other, not tacky merchandising which obliquely refers to love. In fact, we should just boycott Valentine's day altogether.

Shut Your Eyes Tight...

... And ignore the whole thing.

Even under painful circumstances such as being dumped on Valentine's day, ignoring the whole affair may be harder than it would seem. It really takes conscious effort. Try not to expose yourself to something that will make those negative emotions surface - sappy movies, people out on dinner dates. You can't forget that the day happens, but you can remove yourself from situations that might make you feel bad.

The best way to succeed is to involve yourself so completely in something that has nothing to do with Valentine's that you don't have time to realise that it's Valentine's day until it's already over. Such activities could include making extensive music compilations (180 minute ones, really well thought out, with no repetition of artist anywhere in its entirety), carving a really nice fork knife and spoon out of wood with a dull penknife, or other such suitably frustrating but time-consuming and ultimately rewarding activities.

A Few Alternatives

Rewarding activities such as spending the day Goth-style, for example:

My college friends and I have made a new tradition: Goth Valentine's day. Anyone who's either single or cannot see their love on Valentine's day (almost as hard to endure as not having anybody at all) is invited to participate in the celebratory alternative. Making a spectacle of one's self by wearing downright bleak and frightening attire makes the holiday easier to come to terms with. Firstly, it brings the focus from romantic tendencies to your own silliness and the silliness of others' perceptions (everyone might know that you're not really Goth, but it still freaks them out to see you dressed in that manner, especially if you're fairly conservative the rest of the year). And secondly, never underestimate the power of pure shock value to distract you. In essence, you get to play a conscious role rather than sit and watch all the romantics out there play out theirs.

Alternatively, there is another idea:

I have the best get-out alternative ever, luckily. Valentines day just happens to be mine and my dog's anniversary, so we celebrate that instead. Go for a long walk, share a pork pie and watch a movie together, it's much nicer.

Make a companionable day of it then... or not, as the case may be:

I was looking forward to playing Half-Life all night in protest to Valentine's day. Lots of slaughtering of other singleton males.

Indeed, there is help in even the unlikeliest of places:

Pursuant to a recent break-up, I discovered the remedial properties of 'Temptation Island'. No, seriously. Watching something that largely involves prolonged relational stress genuinely made me feel relieved that I didn't have the hassle. Other than that you can just get good and drunk and watch violent action movies.

Celebrate Being Single

giddy with love (or generally lust, and possibly nerves and wind) then we feel bad, like something's missing in life or in us. We can spend all of our single life wishing to be in a couple, and then, ironically, when we do find someone, we start thinking how cool it would be to have some of our single life back. Enjoy being single, make the most of it. Do something on Valentine's day that celebrates your independent status. In this life you have to be happy and content with yourself first. Help your fellow man, don't waste another day moping.

If you're not going out with someone, then just think about all the lovely people that are in the same position.

In previous years I have arranged to go out to dinner with a group of my single friends both male and female. Valentine's day should not preclude love between good friends, and it means that you're having fun on the day, not on your own which is enough to make you blue even on a normal day, and you don't have to worry about paying for someone else or all of the after dinner sexual tension. In three cases of these outings that I have attended, couples have formed from those present.

Be Selfless

The Old Book says 'greater love hath no man than he lays his life down for a friend...'. While this doesn't necessarily mean actually dying for someone, it does indicate a selfless love that is more prepared to give rather than take. It would seem that most of the popular activity that is associated with Valentine's day is aimed at a preconceived outcome rather than a selfless act of care.

Do something good, for someone who needs it. You will like yourself as a result. Do it several times and you will like yourself a lot, and sweethearts will be beating a path to your door.

Be happy with who you are or no-one else will be. Love yourself first or no-one else will. Do something good for someone else. Mind someone's kids so they can go out, or spend the evening with an elderly person, help out in a charity for the night, or phone someone who is having a rougher time than you and tell them you care. It will be more satisfying than trying to be Mr/Miss/Mrs/Ms Cool and Alluring for the evening and worrying about if your date is in to you or not.

>Cheat!

Being selfless is all very well, but there's nothing wrong with a little bit of self-indulgence. Buy something you normally wouldn't buy - maybe something you've been wishing for, something luxurious, something completely unnecessary. Or spoil yourself with a treatment of some kind: a professional massage and a beauty treatment. Remember that fresh flowers always look nice, whether you bought them yourself or were given them. Who's to know?

You could even buy a card, sign it with a hug and a kiss, then put it on show in your living room or on your windowsill and people will think you have a secret admirer. If anyone asks if you know who it is from, you can always say 'I have a good idea' and smile.

Or you could really go for the made-up mysterious admirer scenario. A few days before Valentine's day, place an order for flowers, chocolates and Champagne to be delivered to you at work. Have the card attached marked 'Your secret admirer'. When the presents arrive, feignignorance and surprise, and claim not to be able to guess who the gift has come from. Your office colleagues will rack their brains for you all day and will give you lots of attention. You might even get some hints about real secret admirers in your office. At the end of the day you are left feeling loved by those around you, and will have chocolates and bubbly to look forward to for dinner. The flowers will look great in your flat and will last for weeks!

Consuming vast quantities of chocolate seems to be a popular option, too (face it - it is easy to get hold of this time of year and you might as well enjoy yourself). But proceed with caution. The Australian Bureau of Statistics confirms that over the last three years, 19 Australians have died eating Christmas decorations that they thought were chocolate, so heaven knows what dangers await us for Valentine's day...

Think International

Fortunately, in some countries Valentine cards and gifts are not only exchanged between sweethearts, but also between close friends. So send flowers and a card to a friend on Valentine's day.

Or you could move to a country where they don't celebrate it. Or at least holiday there over the fateful two weeks or so, and counter all questions about Valentine's day when you get back with long descriptions of what you did, where you went and what you ate, until the uncomfortable moment is over.

Public Holiday

And while we're on the subject of days off, Britain is currently bottom of the league in Europe when it comes to public holidays, with eight compared to the European average of 12. This is, quite frankly, pitiful and distinctly unfair. So, the government should solve everybody's problems by declaring 14 February a national holiday. That way couples can enjoy a guilt-free day together in loveydoveydom, or argue their way round Homebase, whatever best suits them. And single people can avoid the outside world by staying at home, reflecting over why exactly nobody has sent them a card. Or spend the day at a free museum with a friend, or go to the pictures, or call their mothers... That way everybody wins.

pinnacle ['pInqkl] Ц апофеоз

cuddly ['kAdlI] Ц при€тный

perpetual [pq'peCuql] Ц вечный

spinsterhood ['spInstqhud] Ц быть незамужем

hatch [hxC] Ц заслонка

duvet ['dHveI] Ц пуховое оде€ло

tacky ['txkI] Ц липкий

induced [In'djHst] Ц вынужденный

obliquely [q'blJklI] Ц косвенно

sappy ['sxpI] Ц глупый, дурацкий

penknife ['pennaIf] Ц перочинный нож

bleak [blJk] Ц гнетущий

attire [q'taIq] Ц пышное оде€ние

to distract [dIs'trxkt] Ц отвлекать

anniversary ["xnI'vWs(q)rI] Ц годовщина

pursuant [pq'sju(:)qnt] Ц соответствующий

remedial [rI'mJdjql] Ц лечебный

genuinely ['GenjuInlI] Ц искренне

to hassle [hxsl] Ц надоедать

giddy ['gIdI] Ц мечтательный

to preclude [prI'klHd] Ц мешать

selfless ['selflIs] Ц бескорыстный

preconceived ['prJkqn'sJvd] Ц предвз€тый

to allure [q'ljuq] Ц очаровывать

indulgence [In'dAlG(q)ns] Ц потакание

hug [hAg] Ц крепкое объ€тие

to feign [feIn] Ц притвор€тьс€

bubbly ['bAblI] Ц шампанское

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Every day starts today

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We talk about our kindness so much,
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reluctance [rI'lAktqns] Ц нежелание

laziness ['leIzInIs] Ц лень

pace [peIs] Ц скорость, темп

to inflict [In'flIkt] Ц наносить (удар)

litter ['lItq] Ц мусор

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