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Funny Puns
Funny Puns
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
8. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
9. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
10. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
11. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"
12. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
Полезные материалы
Веселые, смешные и просто красивые картинки с английскими анекдотами, пазлами, головоломками, красивыми выражениями:
В будущем в этом разделе планируется печатать ссылки на различные материалы, присланные вами. Если у вас есть что-либо интересное, что вы можете посоветовать для изучения другим сотням тысяч наших читателей - присылайте ссылки либо материалы на е-мэйл dmitry@english4u.dp.ua
The Happiness Recipe - Attitude, Memories, and Authentic Communication
The Happiness Recipe - Attitude, Memories, and Authentic Communication
By Terry Vermeylen
I've done an enormous amount of research on happiness over the years and it is a subject I am continually fascinated by. Human beings are already such incredibly complex creatures. Add on the ever-evolving technological and materialistic age we live in, and happiness seems to become more and more elusive. So what can we do to create more bliss in our busy lives? Here are three happiness nuggets I've discovered over the years.
Build happy memories
On vacation a few years ago, we packed the kids into the car and drove down to Cape Cod. It was cold, wet and miserable. After a few days the sun broke through the rain clouds, and we headed off to the beach in Chatham. Far off in the distance, we saw a strange black mass. Rocks? What was it? We kept on walking. As we neared that big black mass, we discovered, much to our surprise, a huge group of over two hundred seals playfully lollygagging on a sandbar, one hundred feet in front of
us! The kids fell madly in love with the cute, plump baby seals gazing at us with huge, moist brown eyes. We parked ourselves on the beach, sitting in awe of the wonderful scene, enjoying it for hours on end.
Do you think that the kids are happy when I bring up that memory? Absolutely! It lights up their faces (and mine) every time. Do they think about their discarded video games the same way? Heck, no! Memories like that last a lifetime. And it doesn't have to be cute baby seals. How about a hike in the mountains? Or a trip to the zoo? Happy memories last a lifetime, "stuff" doesn't.
A great attitude is only one thought away.
How many times have you asked someone at work, at the grocery store, or even friends, "How's it going," only to be met with a mumbled, "Not too bad"? I've come across plenty of unhappy people, especially in the service industry, to the point where I try to avoid any scowling, grumbling or just plain mean people who seem to be living their lives in a perpetual funk. But there's a particular lady at my grocery store who always has a bright smile on her face, a cheery hello and will
go the extra mile to happily clip out coupons for me! I always try to pass through her cash because she makes my day that much happier. She expresses herself in such an unabashedly joyful manner that I highly doubt she comes into work with that "It's not going too bad" that we all hear time and time again.
Not going too bad?? That just saddens me. So, choose your mannerisms, body language and words carefully. How about "It's going great"? Along with a great big smile, of course! You'll have people doing a quick double take and maybe you'll even pass your mood along to others. The power of attitude is simply amazing.
Old ladies in Italy probably don't worship the Internet and have Ipods.
During a trip to Florence, Italy, I peered out my window one morning and was struck by a scene of older Italian ladies amicably chatting together. Adding to the charm was all the washed, white bed sheets flapping on clotheslines over the street - the sort of scene out of an old movie. These ladies certainly don't sit in front of a computer and chat over the Internet! And that's what's scary about our supposedly technologically superior culture. It was supposed to bring us closer together. Remember
global community and all that jazz? But has it brought us closer together?
We seem to spend more time hunkered down in front of computers or video games, oblivious to our neighbours in our cocoon of electronics and suburbia. Connecting with friends, neighbours and your kids can be deeply satisfying when all the technological clutter is pushed aside. And those connections are the most genuine and will probably be the happiest you have. Those Italian ladies were really enjoying their face-to-face time. Maybe it's time for a little less e-mail and chat sites
and a little more authentic communication in order to reconnect with our humanness. We'll be that much happier for it.
Let's make a little happiness recipe. One brimming cup of ever lasting wonderful memories,
One packed cup of positive attitude,
One overflowing cup of authentic communication.
Mix well.
Makes many delightful servings.
Unknown words: elusive - неуловимый; труднодостижимый
bliss - блаженство, счастье
nugget - крупица чего-либо ценного; маленький кусок
seal - тюлень
to lollygag - валять дурака
sandbar - песчаная отмель
plump - полный; пухлый
to gaze - пристально глядеть; уставиться
awe - трепет, благоговение
to discard - отбрасывать, выбрасывать за ненадобностью
heck - ( обозначает недовольство, раздражение, удивление ) черт, черт побери
mumble - бормотание, нечеткое произнесение
scowl - хмурый вид; сердитый взгляд
plain - явно, откровенно; совершенно, безусловно
mean - неприятный, противный, низкий, подлый
funk - угнетенное состояние, депрессия
unabashedly - беззастенчиво, уверенно
to peer out of the window - выглядывать из окна
amicably - дружелюбно
to hunker down - (infml.) засесть, приняться за дело
oblivious - непомнящий, забывающий; не обращающий внимания
suburbia - предместья и их жители; пригороды
clutter - суматоха, суета
authentic - истинный, настоящий, подлинный
serving - кусок, порция
A WORD OF WISDOM
Actions speak louder than words
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