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Самые смешные анекдоты на английском языке - HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!


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Самые смешные анекдоты на английском языке

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ПОДАРОК ВСЕМ ПОДПИСЧИКАМ! Уважаемые подписчики, специально, в целях лучшего ознакомления с журналом English4U, наша редакция бесплатно предоставляет два номера журнала в электронном виде:
English4U 19
English4U 17


Анекдоты на английском языке

* * *
Two bats are hanging in their cave. One turns to the other and says:
- Oh, I'm really thirsty for some fresh blood.
The other bat is amazed and says:
- Well, it's a bit late. Daylight is almost here, and we can't be exposed to any light - you know we'll die.
- Yeah, I know, - says the first bat, - but I'm really starving for it.
So he flies out of the cave and returns five minutes later with blood dripping from his mouth.
- You are lucky thing. Where'd you find blood that quick? - asked the second bat.
- You see that tree over there in the distance? - mumbled the bat, his mouth full of blood.
- Yeah, I think I do!
- Well, I didn't.

* * *
For a couple years I 've been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 52 million. 29 million are retired. That leaves 23 million to do the work. There are 12 million in school, which leaves 17 million to do the work. Of this there are 9 million employed by the federal government, leaving 8 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 5.2 million to do the work. Take from the total the 3,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And you're sitting and reading "English4U".

* * *
Little Pete came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing. It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
- Well, Dad, - said Pete, - I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons.
- Uh-huh, - said the father, - that seems fair.
I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!

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