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Образец английского юмора - еженедельные новости из Англии. Выпуск 96


Weekly news from UK
  

Образец английского юмора - еженедельные новости из Англии

Выпуск 96 24 июля 2007г.  описание форум архив e-mail

Sunday July 15 - 22, 2007

A good week for ...

Drug dealers

Who have in the past provided to some of our top public servants. Perhaps though trade in cannabis will drop off now its street cred has been severely damaged by the discovery that several cabinet ministers have indulged. They could just about deal with Jacqui Smith perhaps. But your edgy teens probably won't be too happy, one might suggest, with rocking Ruth Kelly as a role model.

Tom Hunter

One could attempt to be a smart arse about this, but why bother? A simple well done to the Scottish businessman is the only sensible response to his delightful philanthropy. Mr Hunter will give away £1 bn over the rest of his life.

John Prescott

Some statesmen have statues in their honour. Our former DPM has a turtle named after him - at the Yarmouth Sea Life Centre. Says a spokesman: 'It's a tropical variety with a vicious bite and a temper to match.' Tropical? Our John?

Pierce Brosnan

There's not much that a retired James Bond can do and call it progress, but playing Thomas the Tank Engine comes close. Watch out for those Exocet missiles in little Tommy's tank, and tightly-sprung ejector seats in the buffet car.

Civil Court judges

They're getting new robes courtesy of fabulous designer Betty Jackson.The current uniform, which is 300 years old, is being abolished next year. Next month, police officers to be made over by Alexander McQueen ...


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A bad week for ...

Secrets

There we all were, respecting the right of JK Rowling and her publishers at Bloomsbury to not let anybody read the final Potter until the lovely JK said we could. Then some pesky American journalists got hold of a copy and told the world. We are torn between thinking the Yanks mean-spirited and shrugging that it's only a book. Ambivalence, us? Start of a trend.

Steaks

According to Japanese scientists, it's ecologically unsound to wolf down a steak. They have calculated that, what with the cows' 'emissions' and transport of food, 2.2lb of beef - enough for two sturdy souls - has the same effect as the carbon dioxide released by A car travelling at 50 miles per hour for 155 miles. Get your head around that one.

Golf progressives

A growing group, we thought. Sadly, at a dinner to mark the beginning of the Open Championship, Graham Brown of the Royal and Ancient's rules committee gave a speech containing racist jokes. Only a bit of a laugh, the good old boys said. As, with crashing predictability, you knew they would.

Stockings

Sales down 50 per cent from 10m to 5m in the last year. The worst part about this dip is the licence it gave to chaps of a certain age to tell us more than we'd like to know about their love of a stocking line.

If the sisters among us want to wear miserable tights, so be it.

Sunglass sales ...

And ice cream and bikinis and bottles of cold Mexican lager. Yep, summer's playing hard to get again. A hosepipe ban can only be round the corner.

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