Рассылка закрыта
При закрытии подписчики были переданы в рассылку "Английский от Смирнова" на которую и рекомендуем вам подписаться.
Вы можете найти рассылки сходной тематики в Каталоге рассылок.
Английский для каждого
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Английский для каждого | ||
| Выпуск 196 |
От знаний к опыту, от опыта - к мастерству. |
12 сентября 2005 года |
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Архив рассылки: http://ENGLISH4U.com.ua/modules.php?name=Posting
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Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister: "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a dreadful fight!"
"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the body?" A man died and went to The Judgment. St. Peter met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, "Before you meet with God, I thought I should tell you - we've looked at your life, and you really didn't do anything particularly good or bad. We're not at all sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?" The newly arrived soul thought for a moment and replied, "Yeah, once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a group of bikers. So I pulled over, got out my tire iron, and went up to the leader of the bikers. He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!" "I'm impressed," St. Peter responded, "When did this happen?" "About two minutes ago," came the reply. The nice men are ugly. The handsome men are not nice. The handsome and nice men are gay. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money think we are only after their money. The handsome men without money are after our money. The handsome men, who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don`t think we are beautiful enough. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice and have some money and thank God are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing. His eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy. First, let's make sure he's dead." There's silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "Okay, now what?" A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?" "Both son. God is both." After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?" "Both son, both." The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?" You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. Can a wife make her husband a millionaire? -Yes, if he's already a billionaire. A boss asks his secretary. "What did my wife said when you told her that I would be late today?" - She just asked, "Can I rely on this information for sure?" Minister ['mInIstq] здесь: духовный советник Reverend ['revqrqnd] преподобный Dreadful ['dredful] ужасный, страшный To harass ['hxrqs] беспокоить, тревожить, изводить Coward ['kauqd] робкий; малодушный To whip [wIp] здесь: выхватить, вытащить To stay in shape оставаться в хорошей физической форме To rely [rI'laI] полагаться, надеяться | ||
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